June 10, 2009 4:24 p.m.

Relax. You are feeling very sleepy. And now, my last fifteen minutes.

Bob Slydell: You see, what we're actually trying to do here is, we're trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work... so, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah.

Bob Slydell: Great.

Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh heh - and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour.

Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working.

Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.

My office is strangely quiet. The only constant sounds are the hum of my computer and the distant pecking of keyboard from a cubicle outside, as I sit in a dark office that looks like it came straight from the set of a David Fincher movie. The sound of my thoughts, normally loud and distracting, are now dark and syrupy. I have to get out of here right now. Slipping out the back door. I'm done with you people.

I am missing.

June 6, 2009 8:38 a.m.

They can't all be winners. My last fifteen minutes.

The Lord have mercy and protect us, I've been eating soup for breakfast. I make odd food choices. This is widely understood.

I just realized what Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup tastes like: disappointment mixed with acceptance. It is the comestible incarnation of your sense that you will probably never even graze the bottom of your aspirations, but that, on the bright side, you probably won't starve to death. Cold comfort in a warm bowl.

I feel nourished.

June 3, 2009 9:38 p.m.

Consciousness, diffuse and slippery, cries for a narrative. Therefore: my last fifteen minutes.

Falling into the rabbit hole of Facebook, I realize how this new drug acts as an intensifier. Excitement becomes expanded. Sadness is now more textured. Boredom finds a new sun to orbit. I took the Facebook "How Annoying Are You?" test and learned that the answer was "Incredibly" [capitalization in original]. When will the "How Ironic Is This?" test be available? I can't wait. Seriously.

I feel vacant.